I was living a life all of us yearn for: it was like Elysium; there were people to fulfil all my wishes, however childish they were. This might sound like hyperbole but I seriously believe my parents and brothers would have even brought me moon on a silver platter had I asked for it. The secret: I was the only girl in my family.
Perhaps I couldn’t hold all this glee and love in my life; otherwise I wouldn’t have ended up in this dark hole where others took charge of me and my happiness – so much so that their acts decided whether I should be happy or not.
I am not a writer nor do I intend to become one, but with this write-up I want to achieve two things: one express what I couldn’t share with anyone except myself, and two send across a message to all those boys and girls who keep their happiness hostage to others. I want to tell them: don’t do it.
My friends would often tell me that I was living life of a princess. But that was till 2009 when I was living life on my own terms. After that everything changed and my life turned topsy-turvy. However, it started with a pretty delusion when I joined a professional course after passing my 10+2 exams.
Before I met who I now see as my tormentor, I made new friends with whom I would spend most of my time, enjoy and have lot of fun. We would share our stories and all my friends had every reason to envy what I had: my sweet parents, siblings and every thing at my disposal.
With the wisdom of hindsight, it is easy to understand how lucky I was without his presence in my life. But as they say ‘love is blind’, I couldn’t escape the torment and got fooled.
He came like a whizzing breeze in my otherwise colourful life and left me disfigured, giving me every reason to regret the time I spent with him. Like we see in Bollywood movies, I fell for him at the first sight. The way he spoke, the way he talked and smiled, I simply couldn’t stay away from him.
He was my senior in the college and everything changed so fast: he proposed to me and we started dating. Long chats over the phone followed and we would cash on every opportunity to be together. Everything was so hunky-dory that I wanted never to be disturbed from dreaming this dream.
All of a sudden everything changed: I wouldn’t care much about my friends, my family and classmates, my focus was the new entry in my life. From here I would like to call him Mr X in this article. I wanted to do everything for him and whatever I could do gave me an unimaginable pleasure.
His financial condition was very bad but I made sure that he never felt that he couldn’t buy anything he liked but couldn’t afford. Generally, you would have heard men crying that their women not only get away with emptying their wallets but also get them to carry their shopping bags. But I was probably an exception: he would shop, I would pay.
I was not earning still I would, on one pretext or the other, get money from my parents and siblings, not to spend on my shopping just like other girls, but to hand them over to Mr X. I never hesitated in letting him pocket my money because I felt he was my inseparable part without which I couldn’t imagine to exist.
A phone call from a friend, however, changed everything. I couldn’t believe what my friend on the other side of phone told me. I could see sky falling on me, pushing me deeper and deeper into a dark hole. All of a sudden my dreams felt apart like a pack of cards.
Hugging me tightly, my roommate shocked me by whispering into my ear that Mr X has a girlfriend and it was not “you”. I gathered up myself and called him up, but as expected he refused and acted so cleverly that my roommate was ‘proved wrong’. Things became normal again and I continued to fulfil his financial needs.
One day I called him but that day he didn’t seem all right. It seemed he was depressed and I feared that he might lose himself in the world of drugs. He told me to leave him alone and the next moment he asked me to visit holy Muslim places and pray to God so that his problems get solved.
At first I thought it might be his family problem, which he didn’t want to share with me so I didn’t insist. But few days later I got to know from a friend that Mr X was worried because his girlfriend (the one in hiding) was not keeping well. I was enraged and grabbed my phone and called him up and without hearing his explanation told him “don’t worry, your girlfriend will be fine soon” before hanging up the phone.
We didn’t talk for few days but he kept on calling me. I was fooled again probably because I didn’t want to know the truth: he loved someone else. So I met him upon his insistence and he convinced me that he loved only me. I lost my friends because of him; in fact, I lost myself too. I trusted him blindly and he kept on ripping my pocket – that is what he was in love with.
Then I stumbled upon his call details, which separated the fiction from the reality. Now I was convinced that he loved somebody else and I was just being used to provide him money so that he could send expensive gifts to his girlfriend.
My relations with my family also soured, as I couldn’t say yes to any marriage proposals that came my way. Despite knowing everything, I couldn’t stay away from him. My friends would always tell how could I marry a person who never felt an iota of shame by taking so much money from me. Blinded by his love, I would ignore everything. Sounds filmy, but very true that is.
This time he convinced me by saying that the girl I suspected he loved was engaged to somebody else. I accepted this as a gospel truth – apparently because that is what I wanted to hear. I started hoping against hope again.
Few months before, his behaviour changed all of a sudden. I thought it might be because of workload as he had started working in a private company. But he proved me wrong soon.
The girl wasn’t engaged and she was happy with Mr X and his (oops my) stack of expensive and beautiful gifts. Now this was what I heard from the girl herself.
I couldn’t control myself and went to his office and told everything to his colleagues but then I realized nobody cared about what I went through and how Mr X had cheated me all through these four years.
Now, I have this question for all of you: Is this what we call love? I know what it is to go through all this and I have found one thing in black and white: he never loved me, but he faked to love me only to satisfy his financial needs.
Coming back to the motive of sharing this story, I would like to advise all of you that a true and everlasting relationship doesn’t need expensive gifts – all it needs is honesty and trust. Should you feel that there is something similar happening in your lives, wake up and take charge. I don’t want anyone to go down like I did.
– The author is a management student. She chose not to reveal her name.